I Didn't Sleep ALL Night

Tuesday night I didn't sleep well. I got up at 2AM to let out a sick pup, and then again at 5. When I got back into bed at 5:15, I was crossing my fingers for a bit more shuteye…but tossed and turned until I finally gave in and got up at 6AM to start the day. 

I'll admit it, my mental landscape looked a lot like, "Shoot, my day is screwed. I didn't sleep AT ALL last night, and now I'm going to be exhausted. I better go get that coffee that I know will mess up my afternoon, but I NEED to get through this morning."

*screeeeeeeeeeeech* Hold up. I was about to drink coffee! But I KNOW that coffee is one of my self sabotaging behaviors... now, this post isn't about self sabotage (more on that at a later date), but it did clue me into the fact that something was amiss with my internal narrative. *think Julia, think* What is going on here? 

It didn't take me long to realize that I had fallen victim to  a close cousin of self sabotage...

dun dun DUUUN.

All or nothing thinking.

What is all or nothing thinking? Well it's just like it sounds.. the idea that something is all or nothing, a perfect binary.

In my mind, this looked like: deciding that I had slept ZERO minutes, that I would have NO energy, and the best offense was literally giving up, waving the white flag, and succumbing to the day being "ruined". 

Was this true?

Absolutely not. When I looked through my "objective" goggles, I could see that I had in fact slept for the better part of 7 hours, was feeling relatively refreshed that morning, and could probably find a way to squeeze in an afternoon power nap if I really needed more energy (cue my coffee mug shuffling back into the cupboard).

Whoa, that was a close one. But what's up with this whole all or nothing situation? 

In psychology, this phenomenon is often called 'splitting', or the inability to bring together the dichotomy of something having both positive and negative aspects.

As most of our subconscious psychology is, this phenom is tied back to our early human evolution, when we benefited from being able to distinguish a threat quickly to avoid death. This plant is either "good" or "bad", this animal is either "dangerous" or "safe". 

However, we now still often employ all or nothing thinking to quickly make sense of the world, and oftentimes it actually gets in our way of seeing reality, making us miss nuance and opportunities for positive outcomes and experiences. 

Shoot! Not great. 

What are other situations in which you might see all or nothing thinking at play in your life?

- “My boss is a horrible (or amazing) person.”

- “There is no way I can build this excel model, I'm a terrible analytical thinker.”

- “This summer is going to be such a bummer, I can't travel, see my friends or celebrate holidays!“

- “My dog is misbehaving today, there's no way we can go to the dog park.'“

- “All types of work will make me miserable, no one is happy in their job.”

So, how do we counter it? It's pretty simple, and highly effective.

1. Notice your thought pattern. Use cues like the words "always" "never" "no way" "absolutely" or "definitely"
2. Interrupt it by speaking the thought out loud (sometimes that's enough).
3. If you're still convinced by your black and white thought, ask yourself "why" (ie: why is my boss a horrible person, why can I not take my dog to the dog park, why do I believe I'm not an analytical person).

Usually when you force yourself to give some backup to your all or nothing argument, you start to see its flaws. Because there is nothing in the world that is 100% all or nothing, so until you find the hole in the argument, you know you haven't drilled down far enough.

The benefit of interrupting these thought patterns are too numerous to count, but a few include:

- Reclaim your time you've demoted to "lost" (before it's even happened).

- Empathize and cooperate with humans in your life you've written off as impossible.

- Open your mind to new possibilities for growth, being and creation.

-Cultivate a growth mindset. Just because one thing happened, it doesn't mean the next 10 steps are guaranteed.

So, have you experienced all or nothing thinking? How did you counter it? Comment below, I'd love to know if this resonates, is useful, or if you have other suggestions to add! 

And if you're experiencing the "all or nothing" thought of "MY JOB IS MISERABLE", and you've objectively evaluated it and you still think that...feel free to download this free guide and the six questions that will help you decide if now is the right time for a career pivot. Enjoy!!